What to Drink While Reading the Mueller Report
Cocktail pros from around the country make recommendations to celebrate—or survive—the release of the long-awaited document.
(Bloomberg) -- Everyone has a preferred drink that goes with their reading material: a coffee with the morning paper, a glass of red with a novel at night.
But as anticipation runs high for the release of the Mueller Report on Thursday, April 18, bartenders and booze experts from across the U.S. have been preparing their own drinks to reflect whatever they expect the contents of the report to be. Here, they’ve shared a few recommendations. Spoiler alert: There’s a lot of Russian vodka.
Smoky Margarita
Who: Dale DeGroff, author of Craft of the Cocktail, founder of the Museum of the American Cocktail
What is it: I’m making a Smoky Margarita for two reasons: 1) Because where there is smoke, there is fire, and 2) This is an easy cocktail to drink until the smoke clears and we get a look at the complete report.
Ingredients
2 oz. El Tesoro Blanco tequila
¾ oz. agave syrup
¾ oz. fresh lime juice
1⁄8 oz. Del Maguey mezcal
Shake the first three ingredients with ice and serve over ice, or up in a chilled cocktail glass with a half-salted rim. Float the mezcal on top.
Moscow Mueller
Who: Maxime Belfand, Saxon + Parole, New York
What is it: An ode to the Moscow Mule with a little wordplay thrown in, thanks to the addition of Russian vodka.
Ingredients
2 oz. premium Russian vodka
7 oz. ginger beer
1⁄2 lime, plus a wedge for garnish
Fill a copper mug with ice cubes. Squeeze the lime half over it, then drop it into the mug. Add the vodka and then the ginger beer. Garnish with lime wedge.
Redacted Manhattan
Who: Carlos Artega, general manager of Halifax, Hoboken, N.J.
What is it: Just cut out the ice, vermouth, and bitters and give me the straight bourbon.
A Bottle of Opus One
Who: Jeremy Allen, general manager of MiniBar in Los Angeles
Why this one: Opus One specifically, because it’s a status label marketed to people with too much money and no taste. Flashy and tasteless, like old, white-guy wine. For some, it doesn’t matter what’s inside—their minds were already made up for them when they were told what to think. But the perfect pairing would be a slightly corked bottle of Opus One—a very expensive red wine with high expectations—but something is off: not exactly what was promised, and hard to swallow for an intelligent human with taste.
Good Morning Heartache
Who: Andrea Needell Matteliano, co-owner Clay in New York
What is it: I’ll absolutely need something boozy to sip on while reading—and to fend off the political hangover from all the speculation leading up to it. The Good Morning Heartache is ideal: a floral beet syrup that’s the antithesis of borscht (no collusion here) with peppercorn’s tingly bite to kick-start your own witty criticism.
Ingredients
2 oz. gin
.75 oz. beet-pink peppercorn-rose syrup (made from peppercorns and edible rose petals steeped in simple syrup)
.75 oz. lime juice
.5 oz. Genepy (herbal liqueur)
Combine all ingredients, shake, and serve with ice.
Dorothy Parker Gimlet
Who: Allen Katz, co-founder, New York Distilling Co., New York
What is it: As an antidote to political correctness, Dorothy Parker would have reveled in our national state of affairs. Were I to sit, reclined or composed, with a penned report of one Robert S. Mueller III, lawyer, government official, Marine, graduate of Princeton, on the topic of one Donald J. Trump, businessman, government official, graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, I would likely retire with a gimlet or three, wishing for sarcasm or elemental humor at the turn of each paragraph. No matter the ending you are rooting for, Parker’s classic quip serves as a timely reminder: “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
Ingredients
2 oz. Dorothy Parker gin
.75 oz. lime juice
.5 oz. simple syrup
.25 oz. cinnamon syrup
4 drops Bittermens Hellfire Shrub
Shake ingredients over ice and fine-strain into a chilled cocktail glass. No garnish, as you will likely need a few to get through the whole report.
Bitter Vesper
Who: Logan Demmy, beverage director of the Citizens Trust in Columbus, Ohio
What is it: A Vesper martini is an excellent cocktail to accompany the modern-day crime thriller. Heavy on the Russian vodka and extra orange bitters. Actually, better make it a double, because I bet the reading will be even slower than Tolstoy’s War and Peace—especially with all the naughty bits sharpied out.
Ingredients
1 oz. Russian Standard vodka
1 oz. American gin
.5 oz. Lillet Blanc
.5 oz. orange bitters
Stir. Strain. Garnish with an orange slice.
Vodka, Neat
Who: Jim Meehan, author of Meehan’s Manual
Why this one: Pour out a glass of warm Russian vodka. Reserve some to dissolve all the black ink in the report.
Smoke & Mirrors
Who: Shawn Chen, RedFarm/Decoy, New York
What is it: The Smoke & Mirrors is our smoky twist on a classic Whiskey & Ginger. It goes down easy, no matter the political climate.
Ingredients
2 oz. American whiskey
4 oz. smoky ginger ale, such as Fever Tree
3 dashes of rosemary bitters
Sliced ginger
In a collins glass, build the drink with whiskey, ginger, and rosemary bitters and top with the ginger ale. Add ice, and garnish with smoked applewood chip (optional) and sliced ginger.
To contact the editor responsible for this story: James Gaddy at jgaddy@bloomberg.net
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