The Donald and the Hillary

(Bloomberg View) -- (With apologies to Lewis Carroll)

The candidates were on the tube,
Saying the things they say;
They did their very best to put
The other’s states in play.
And this was odd, because it was
Far from Election Day.

The press was acting sulkily,
Because it thought the one
Now speaking for the GOP
Was not supposed to run.
“It’s very rude of him,” they said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

The left was left as left could be,
The right was right as right.
And both sides as election neared
Were spoiling for a fight.
The moderates had fled the scene --
But hoped to reunite.

The Donald and the Hillary
Campaigned throughout the land;
Each one had a supporters club
The other couldn’t stand;
“If they would only disappear,” each said,
“It would be grand.”

“If I were not the nominee,
And there were much less fear,
Do you suppose,” the Donald said,
“We’d have a kinder year?”
“I doubt it,” said the Hillary,
And never shed a tear.

“Oh Voters come and vote for me,”
The Donald did beseech.
“I know you’re angry but this way
You can extend your reach.
Together the Establishment
A lesson we will teach.”

The leftish Voter looked at him
But never a word she said.
The leftish Voter read his quotes
And shook her angry head.
Meaning to say that she would vote
For Hillary instead.

But four mad Voters hurried up,
All eager for the treat.
The Donald seemed to be their guy,
They loved his every tweet.
And this was odd because he seemed
Quite headed for defeat.

Then four more Voters followed them
And yet another four.
And thick and fast they came at last
And more and more and more.
They seemed to think the time had come
To even up the score.

The Donald and the Hillary
Talked on a mile or so,
And then they traded barb for barb,
Conveniently low:
While all the worried Voters stood
And waited in a row.

“The time has come,” the Donald said,
“To talk of lots of stuff --
Of e-mails, guns and immigrants --
And how you’ve had enough --
Of who it is that took your jobs
And calling China’s bluff.”

“But wait a bit,” the Voters cried,
“Before we make our choice!
For some of us are not yet sure
which party is our voice!”
“No hurry,” said the Hillary,
not ready to rejoice.

“An angry speech,” the Donald said,
“Is what we chiefly need:
A way to blame it all on her
Is very good indeed --
Now if you’re ready, Voters dear,
The ballot will proceed.”

“But not so fast!” the Voters cried,
Turning a little blue.
“We need to hear debates before
Deciding what to do!”
“We’re doing fine,” the Donald said.
“Each word I say is true.

“It is so kind of you to vote!
You seem so very mad!”
The Hillary said nothing but,
“Let’s turn it up a tad.
Let’s take his words and put them in
A television ad.”

“It seems unfair,” the Donald said,
“That we’re not still ahead,
After the polls were going our way,
And Dems were filled with dread!”
The Hillary said nothing but
“It’s you who made this bed.”

“I weep for you,” the Donald said:
“I deeply sympathize.
The process is completely rigged --
The media just lies.”
But Voters now were wondering
If backing him was wise.

“O Voters,” said the Hillary,
“I think it’s time to go.
I trust that you will vote for me?”
There was no answer though.
And this may seem quite odd, but on
Election Day we’ll know.

This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the editorial board or Bloomberg LP and its owners.

To contact the author of this story: Stephen L. Carter at

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